Why is talking about debt so difficult?
Shame, the fear of being judged or disappointing others, and the cultural taboo around money cause many people to keep quiet about what’s going on. We see debt as a personal issue that needs to be solved alone.
However, many people experience financial challenges at some point in their lives. In most cases, it has nothing to do with poor management – it’s just bad luck. Job loss, illness, divorce, an unexpected issue. Just like if you were sick, debt shouldn’t be seen as something shameful, but as a situation that can be improved with the right kind of help.
Why talking helps
Starting the conversation might feel intimidating, but it can lead to so many positive outcomes:
- Lightening your load: keeping a secret is a heavy burden to carry, and you don’t need to bear it alone. Your loved ones can support you and your children will better understand your decisions and reactions.
- Shedding light: explaining your situation to someone else can help you organize your thoughts and see things more clearly.
- Finding real solutions: a loved one can offer ideas, share their own experiences, or encourage you to consult a professional.
- Strengthening ties: being open and honest is the best way to build trust and bring families or couples closer together.
- Set a good example: this is an opportunity to show your children that asking for help is a strength instead of a weakness, and that financial difficulties are more easily solved when you talk about them.
How to talk about debt with your loved ones
The “why” behind sharing is one thing. But where do you begin once you’ve finally decided to do so? The best course of action is one that feels natural to you – but if you need a starting point, here are a few ideas to help you plan for the discussion:
- Choose the right moment: there’s no “perfect” time to begin, so there’s no point waiting for an opportunity to present itself! Try to pick a moment that feels relaxed and upbeat. That will help you maintain control of the discussion.
- Express your emotions: describing how you’re feeling (fear, shame, stress) sparks empathy and will help others understand you.
- Explain your situation: tailor your approach to the person you’re addressing. If it’s your life partner, being completely transparent and laying your cards on the table is the best approach. If it’s a close friend you’re turning to for emotional support, there’s no need to go into detail – just be honest about how this situation is impacting your daily life.
- Be specific about what you need: are you looking for someone to listen, provide moral support, or help you connect with a trustee? Set clear expectations to avoid misunderstandings.
- Reassure your loved ones: talking about debt doesn’t mean you’re asking for financial help – it just means you’re seeking support so you can move forward together.
- Choose wisely: confide in people who will know how to listen and support you without judgment. And if you don’t feel like there’s anyone around who can fill that role, a licensed insolvency trustee can always offer kind and professional support.
Should you talk about debt with your children?
No matter their age, talking about debt with your kids might seem touchy. But it’s also a golden opportunity to impart values and skills for the future. What’s more, they’ll better understand the reasons behind your stress and state of mind, so they won’t blame themselves for how you’re feeling. Here are a few tips for where to begin.
- Use age-appropriate language: use simple and descriptive words with younger children, concrete and detailed language with teenagers, and calm, honest terms with adults.
- Explain the value of money: draw a line between must-haves and nice-to-haves, supported by examples from your everyday lives. Be clear about your current financial means and how it will impact all of you. Will you still be able to pay for your young adult’s education? Your teenager’s soccer? Will you have to move? Clarifying these issues will prevent their imaginations from running wild.
- Reassure them: clearly explain that the situation is “not their fault” and is a temporary problem. If you’ve already taken steps to resolve the issue, provide a high-level explanation of what’s next.
- Turn it into a learning opportunity: show your kids that budgeting, saving, and responsible financial management are tools that will help them get through tough times.
- Invite questions: let them express their concerns and provide simple, honest answers.
Overcome shame and discomfort
Thousands of families experience financial challenges every year. Debt isn’t your identity – it’s just your current situation.
It’s normal to feel shame or embarrassment, but these emotions shouldn’t stop you from moving forward. Talking about it transforms a silent burden into a tangible issue that can be solved.
Ready to jump into problem-solving mode? Our door is always open. Book a free meeting.